The Mikvah blasts me out of the water

It is days before Ric and I stand under the chuppa, and a trip to the Mikvah on my to-do list. I actually thought that was all it was, a cool ritual to go through before the wedding. But what happened blew me out of the water. We went to the newer Aish Mikvah in Denver, which truly has a spa atmosphere. My first clue that this would be different were the wedding decorations on the door.

Honestly, until this point I have been treating this wedding as a fun adventure. Ric and I have been married 25 years, yes this is fun, but transformative? A rite of passage? A mystical ritual? Get real. The Mikvah proved me wrong.

I walked into a room full of wedding decorations, congratulation banners, and wedding candy. I was given the largest private preparation room, complete with a jacuzzi tub (with a small waterfall for effect), soft towels, a warm robe, fully stocked with beauty supplies. The instructions are to slowly and thoughtfully remove all my clothes, jewelry nail polish, and even my contacts, and to climb in the tub for at least 15 minutes. Soak. Relax. There is no rush. Afterwards I showered and washed my hair, and untangled it, pulled on the robe and told Vicky the shomeret (the mikvah attendant) that I was ready.  

The point is to be ready to have a spiritual experience. To have nothing that will separate me from the waters of the Mikvah. I have to admit that I was crying through parts of this. I have been to a Mikvah before, but just as an experience, not for a particular reason. Now I was spiritually preparing for my wedding to a Jewish man. And not with the kindness and care that a "new bride" receives.  

Somehow the Mikvah has gotten a bad rap in the liberal Jewish world and among feminists. The notion of becoming spiritually clean was interpreted as meaning that women are dirty. This is so very far from the truth and is not part of Jewish theology. Anytime we, women or men, are closer to death than to life we can loose our connection to G-d. We can create a veil that blocks us from the experience of being spiritually open and connected. During menses a woman is closer to death than life. During childbirth a woman is closer to death than life. We are offered a way to return to our spiritual self.  Immersion in the waters of the Mikvah.

I came into the Mikvah area and Sandy, my dear friend and Rabbi, and Vicky were there. They made sure that my preparations had been successful (turquoise polish off the toes? Check!) and helped me with a starting prayers. Then I stepped down into the warm clean water with tears in my eyes. I spread out my fingers and arms so that the water could touch every part of me, and went under the water, lifting my feet as I went. It took two tries before I mastered the art of being fully submerged (who know I was buoyant?). Then I stopped for a prayer. Then another "kosher dunk" and a prayer, and then one more time into the waters of the earth that cleanse us.

The waters of the mikvah mixed with my tears as something inside me opened. It was just this side of painful, almost like opening a window that has been painted shut but wants to open to the world. At the end Vicky told me that because I had performed this Mitzvah, this commandment, that that gates of heaven were open and Hashem was listening to me. She said that my prayer would have more power and told me to take the time in the water to pour out my heart. She and Sandy would do the same, because I had opened the gates for them too.

Another wave of tears rose from my heart as I offered up prayers of healing and hope and renewal and blessings for all those who touch my life. I asked for joy and laughter and courage and strength for friends, family and community. I prayed for peace and resiliency for Israel and the world. I prayed for Ric and I. If you are reading this, I probably prayed for you.

And then, like new born/reborn woman I climbed out of the pool and into the warm and welcoming robe and hugs of the women who had midwifed me through this process.

Wow. This is not your mother' Mikvah. This is not the a way to subjugate women. This is as deep and rich and moving as any sweat lodge I have ever attended...and much more nurturing. This is Miriam's well, the way of water for women.