Filling my soul and scaring myself wild

Death is actually a pretty permanent state, just in case you have not noticed. That probably sounds profoundly silly, but there is something about the way we think about death that does not capture the essence of “forever” in our experience. Sometimes over the past year I felt like a vacuum cleaner entered my soul and emptied it of any sense of beauty or love.

Everyone told me that nature abhors a void and the time would fill the emptiness. But nature and time seemed to be busy elsewhere. 

It was an old friend who told me that I need to find my Mojo and, as the Mad Hatter said to Alice, my “muchness.” He told me his memory of me with a pack on my back, looking over my shoulder at him saying “come on, we can do this” even though we both knew I was afraid. He remembered my wildness, even if I did not.

That sounded amazing, and challenging, and terrifying. But honesty, emptiness was getting boring, and filling me with the fear that I would never be full of love and laughter and light and wonder. I had been feeling like a ship at sea with no navigational information. All I could do was steer away from the danger buoys and warning lights. It seemed like a safe and perhaps even wise choice. But I was headed nowhere and steering based on my fears.

So I changed my sailing plan, and steered towards the warnings and lights and all that I feared. I breathed in the wind and danced to the rhythm of the waves, and followed my fears where ever they led. My soul began to fill with wonder and desire and passion and laughter. My adventures started so very small, but quickly expanded. My soul not only filled, but it also expanded, as I sailed into the adventure and away from the safety of the shore.

Amazingly, I discovered a new type of navigational tool…scaring myself wild. I highly recommend it, and would love hear about your adventures.

Be your own Valentine

On a day that seems to be defined by cards, flowers, candy and expressions of love, do not sink into a sense of loneliness. We often are caught up in defining love by actions on this one day, rather than seeing the ongoing support and love that surround us. Want flowers? Send yourself some and tell the world they are from a secret lover. And guess what, you won't be lying. 

Saying you love yourself might have the world try to define you as a narcissist, so keep it secret. But yes, love yourself, embrace yourself, be kind to yourself. This is often the first step in attracting love and kindness into our own lives.

And life starts again. It has been a wild year. My mother and husband died exactly 2 months apart at the end of 2016. As you can imagine, 2017 was a year of healing, but also wild adventures, gratitude, blessings, love and new beginnings. My adventure continues...please share it with me.