T'shuva

The month of Elul marks the season of T'shuva in the Jewish tradition, marked by 40 days from the first of Elul until Yom Kippur. The root of this word means to return, though it is often interpreted as repent...with of course a Jewish flavour. We mean in the end a return to G-d, a return to the truth of our best self, but the journey requires forgiveness and repentance.

Every year I try to make meaning, deeper meaning of this notion of return. This year it is especially

meaningful. Ric and I "returned" in so many amazing ways. Ric returned to his soul's calling this past year and became a Jew by choice.

Together we returned to Israel, a land that speaks to my soul in profound ways that defy simple words or descriptions.

 We returned to see family and join in Jewish celebrations. Together we returned to the chuppa and our marriage, choosing to make it a deeper and spiritual  experience. Together, along with Shiloh, we returned to hiking and our love of the out-of-doors. All of these experiences have made me feel more connected to my own spiritual journey, but T'shuva requires more.

T'shuva requires that I acknowledge my own wrongs and weaknesses and the hurts that I have, intentionally or un-intentionally, caused others. No excuses are allowed. I cannot just say "I was born this way" or "that is just what I do" and move on. T'shuva requires that I acknowledge, ask for forgiveness, including from G-d, grant forgiveness to others, and yes that includes G-d, and change my behaviors. I cannot repent in my head. Judaism is a religion of action, of behavior, not of faith. Belief helps, but it is what I do that really matters.

T'shuva is about returning to the path, to the way, rather than following rules. These 40 days are spent reflecting and acting on this return.

Others have explained this in much better words, so here is a link to get a deeper sense of t'shuva:

http://www.tziporahheller.com/one_article.php?id=76

There is a way, however, that I can demonstrate t'shuva and live out part of this return here. If you are a person who I, intentionally or unintentionally, wounded or maligned or compromised or ignored, I am sorry. For the many of you who have added to my life in so many ways, thank you. For those of you reading who I do not know, I hope that I have added something positive to your life. I hope my wedding dress journey is helping you return to your own best self.

Up the Gondola

 The journey has begun! Ric and I were invited to a wedding in Snowmass last weekend. We drove up, dress in tow, to celebrate with a lovely bride, and to start the wedding dress journey.  The gondola opened at 10, and we were there with the dress in hand. It is amazing how many people stopped us when they saw what I was carrying. A wedding dress bag is so clearly a wedding dress.

 Everyone wanted to know what we were doing and where we were going, so I told the story and handed out the blog link. Then up the gondola in my hiking clothes. At the top I disappeared into the women's locker room (this is a ski area) and changed into wedding garb, complete with the sea-shell bouquet.

The wedding dress in a traveling bag caught people's eyes, but when I walked out of the locker room in a wedding dress, I stopped traffic. OK, the traffic was early morning mountain bikers and hikers and Snowmass staff, but still. People stopped and pointed. The gondola operators took our picture, as did a couple hikers. 

 

We ran  into a few people who were attending Emily's wedding and pulled them into our picture. Everyone was laughing and having a great time with the idea. It was a game that everyone wanted to play.

And then the dress went back in the bag and I emerged in my hiking shorts. The dress rode down the gondola to be held at the base until Ric and I could hike down. I imagine that the ride down was beautiful, as was our hike.

I laughed and hiked the day

away. And then we attended

another wedding with the Maroon Bells as a back drop.

From my wedding to Emily's, as if we were secretly sharing an event.

Maybe in some way I am....blessing another wedding by wearing my dress and sending laughter and joy to the next bride.

Hey...let me know if you want the wedding dress to secretly bless your wedding.

Elul journey

Elul is the Jewish month before the High Holy days, and traditionally marks the start of a 40 day spiritual journey. There are books and websites that have daily meditations to enhance this journey, but none that seem to specially apply to newlyweds. So I am trying to take the daily meditations and applying them to this "new" marriage.

Ric and I are reading the mediation's together. Today's suggestion was to sculpt or paint our vision for our spiritual future. Perfect for Ric....not so perfect for me. So I thought I would write and ask for some feedback. I do not paint or scuplt, but I could use own self as a canvas. I could use my hair.

 My vision for my future includes deepening my spiritual path and I am beginning to wonder if I have the courage to "wear" that deepening in public. Am I willing to cover my hair...at least in part, on Shabbat?

I love the look, and often think this would be a great way to wear long hair in the summer, but am I willing to "sculpt" this vision in a public setting?

Women cover their hair NOT out of a sense of obligation for the RULES, but out of a sense of personal honor. Yes, this is about modesty, but it is more about honoring a personal spiritual journey. But this is a struggle for me. What would this say about me to the world, and what would this say to me about my own inner sense of self?

Would this set me a part in some way, making me less  modern or accessible or liberal? What does this say about a spiritual journey in this new life in a Jewish marriage?  It seems like such a small thing, and yet it feels huge.

Comments? Really...comments?

Ric's Shofar

Today is Rosh Chodesh, the head of the month, of Elul in the Jewish calendar. The months are marked by the appearance of the new moon in the sky and symbolizes renewal. Rosh Chodesh is a monthly holiday gifted to the Jewish women at Sinai as a reward for not participating in the building of the golden calf. The text tells us the men took the golden earrings from their wives and daughters, but the women did not run to join in. For their faith in G-d, women were given the holiday of spiritual renewal each month.

 

After Moses came down the mountain and dealt with the golden cafe debacle, he had to hike by up the mountain for a second set of laws, which we Jewishly call the ten utterances (by our count there are 613 commandments in the Torah). So Moses trudges back up the mountain for yet another 40 days. This time the people decide to stay a bit more focused on what is going on at the top of the mountain. So everyday day the shofar was blown to keep the people focused on G-d.

Fast forward a few thousand years to Rosh Chodesh of Elul and Ric. It is traditional for the shofar to be blown everyday from Rosh Chodesh Elul until Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New year. And of course Ric wanted a shofar. A bit one. A loud one. I bought him one last year after he converted and he has been practicing.

The sound is something between that of a dying animal and an ecstatic call to battle. You can probably imagine where Ric is in this spectrum.

Let me add that this is a kosher shofar from a large ram, who left his mark, or smell, in the shofar. So the sound is loud and odoriferous at the same time. The newfy is very interested in the smell, and very concerned and offended by the sound. Clearly a love hate relationship in the making. She would love to eat the shofar so that Ric cannot make that hateful sound.

I am sure there is some tale about a newlywed couple hearing the shofar. In biblical times the  shofar was blown to announced important events such as a call to worship or a wedding or a war, or even a peace accord. So perhaps as we listen to the dying animal each day....I meant the shofar blasts....we are being reminded of our significant event. Or perhaps is it a way for us to enter the month of Elul, the month of reflection, redemption and renewal as a couple rather than individuals. Then again, perhaps it is an exercise in patience.

The Tango!!

Our tango!
If you want to have some fun, try a tango!


This was so much Fun! We have been taking tango lesons for about a year and decided we were ready to show off our skills.  I have wanted to be a dancer since I was a child, but so many other things got in the way. So about a year ago I found an AMAZING dance teacher in Arvada, Maggie Francucci. You can find her at  maggie@danceconnectioncolorado.com or
www.danceconnectioncolorado.com  for lessons and to set up your own dance!!

I have to say that taking lessons and dancing, really dancing, has fulfilled another dream.  I was a very NOT athletic kid and only discovered the wonders of stretching my physical limits in college. I was in a fencing class, don't ask why, and the instructor told me that I had a very athletic body. Wow...I had gone from chubby to athletic somehow. Not sure how. So here I was with a new attitude and I started trying odd things...like running...and high end skiing...and racquetball. Wow. 

But somehow dancing remained a dream, with just a few adventures onto the country western swing floor. Until about a year ago when I found Maggie, dance instructor extraordinaire. And tango. Sometimes I sneak an early morning lesson in before work, get my heart and rhythm going, and then hum tango tunes all day. 

Maybe this is really the year of fulfilling dreams and aspirations. I guess it is not too late to hike the Colorado trail...any takers? 

Spiritual courage

There is a Jewish tradition that a couple are newlyweds for a full year. One way to celebrate this is for the couple to dip their Shabbat challah in honey, rather than salt. This is such a simple way for a couple to remind each other that they have chosen to be together, and chosen to live a Jewish life, even if the only ritual they share is Shabbat.

Honestly, this would be so easy in Israel where Jewishness exudes from the very rocks, echos down the corridors, flows in with the ocean waves, and follows my every step. In the US however assimilation beckons at every corner. Really. Try to guard Shabbat for just half day. Try explaining that you do spend a full day in temple for Yom Kippur, and no you are not available for a meeting on Rosh Hashanah. Even better, try to explain why you wanted a Jewish wedding after 25 years of marriage

I have found that people still question my return to Judaism, wondering why I just don't proclaim my spirituality without the framework or laws or restrictions. These have been interesting conversations. In the end I talk about being spiritually courageous and tenacious, being willing to be challenged by this journey, to grow through study and commitment.

There is an old Hassidic story that reminds us that the way to change our world, or our village, or our family, is to start with our own self. We cannot change others, we can only change ourselves. However, when we change ourselves, we change the world. Spiritual courage starts here, with honest self examination and the willingness to take responsibility for our actions.  Any spiritual path can be frightening as we face our own internal demons and weaknesses and strive to live out our best self. But facing this fear, struggling with my limits helps make me a stronger person.

Being spiritually tenacious, hanging on to beliefs in the face of criticism or easy assimilation, helps me “lean towards the good,” a Jewish notion that we always have free choice in our actions.  It is the same tenacity that helps me seek the positive in a situation, remembering the teachings of Victor Frankl that in any situation I have the freedom to determine my attitude and spiritual well-being. I am not suggesting that this is easy, but it is something I strive for, and that Jewish rituals help me with.

So why do I find value in these Jewish traditions? Because exploring the meaning of these customs helps me walk a spiritual path. The Hebrew word for law is Halacha...which actually means walking. So the laws and rules are not just limits, they are suggestions for ways to walk through this world.

This year Ric and I are starting this walk by dipping our bread in honey and remembering why we held an I-do-re-do in the Jewish tradition.

Tisha b'av

Sunday was the Jewish Holy day of Tisha B'av, the day that marks the destruction of the first and second temple. Painful things have happened to Jews on this day through out history. This day marks not only the destruction of the temples, but also the day that Jews were expelled from England, and later Spain, and the day the Warsaw ghetto transports started to Treblinka. 


The first Tisha B'av happened in the desert. The Jews were poised to cross into the promised land, but they stalled. They were afraid. So 12 spies were sent into Israel. When they came back, 10 of the spies were terrified. These ten convinced the rest of the people, thousands of people 
according to legend, to quit without even trying.

This is where things get interesting. A group of people who had been blessed with repeated miracles and gifts lose their courage and refuse to budge. They stopped cold and wailed that it would be better to be a slave than to face danger. It would be better to sit that to try. It would be better to give up now and have nothing, than to take a risk. This pisses off G-d who sends them back into the desert for 40 years. Only after the generation of slaves dies off can they enter Israel. Generational issues at play.

 

What an interesting message for a "new bride" to hear.
We can live out our fears by giving up before we try, or we can try, and try, and try and succeed. Maybe this is why Ric and I are still together after 25 years. Like any other marriage there was as much good as bad, and many moments that seemed over-whelming. We could have quit. We could have given up. But for whatever reason we were able to look at each other and commit to trying.

We talked about this on Tisha B'av, trying before we quit, and decided this was a great metaphor for our "family" to embrace. This value has pulled

us through seven major surgeries, four college degrees, the loss of six close family members, and an assortment of financial, profession and personal trials. And somehow through it all we have managed to pull together, to try again, and to succeed.


So, with a new Ketbuah and new wedding vows, we want to add this to our journey, a pledge to always try before we quit. All things worth having take effort, including a strong marriage. When both people are willing to try amazing things can happen.