Golden Fall

 On the second day of Rosh Hashanah (RH) Ric and I took the dress to places in Golden we talked about using for the wedding. Fall is just starting down in Golden, so the day was warm and the leaves had just started to change. I wanted to have some fun the glorious weather, so we played around on the bridge and with the statutes. I needed this little bit of time after the wonderful prayers of Rosh Hashanah (RH) and before the ritual of Taslich.

Truly, I could never leave Colorado in the Fall. Even for an amazing job. Even for the sea. But for some reason I do keep trying to leave.

The past two years have been full of seeking and not finding. I came in second for several wonderful jobs in different places, explored new career paths, and watched doors close in my face. This year I vowed to stop looking at the closed doors, to turn around and look at the vast open amazing world around me. I bought airplane tickets and visited friends and family. I hiked and sailed and studied and tried new things, and had a new wedding. I realized that my gypsy soul could soar without moving to a new place. 

And now I am in season of reflection, a moment in time for looking at the past, the present and the future touching in time and space and my heart. RH is the Jewish New Year, and a time for profound reflection since this holiday is the precursor for Yom Kippur, the day of Atonement.   

And this year my Father's Yortzite, the anniversary of his death, fell on RH, near the date of our first wedding. How appropriate that we are re-doing our experience in the year that mirrors the first wedding. I cried as I said the prayers for his yortzite in temple, wished I could hug him and hear his voice one more time. But I guess we all wish for that, just one more time. I guess we all wonder "what if" and " what else" and "should I."

This year I am adding the words of Hillel to my litany: “If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, then what am I? And if not now, when?”  The short version of this mean, stop searching and start being.

So Ric and I and the dress headed to Golden for the ritual of Taslich. We took bread is throw into running water, with prayers for letting go of our "al chets", or all our sins of the last year. 

And we played. This has been a wonderful gift of our second wedding, we have remembered how to play together.

Ric told me to play with the art statues...and those shots are the best. So no more serious pictures. In fact, for all of you who think that I am a very serious person...just wait.

I have heard the call of the wild paper boy. I have stared a bear in the face.

I have listened to my free-spirit-gypsy-Israeli-soul and I am having fun. Even in the serious days of atonement.

L'shana Tova

G'mar Chatimah Tovah

Free spirit

 For those of you who have been reading this blog you know that I am using my re-do-I-do and wedding dress as a way to have a year of spiritual exploration. The wedding dress did not go hiking this week, but I did.

 

 I wandered some trails alone and had time to think about the wedding dress journey. Much like carins, piles of rocks that mark the trail, the Jewish rituals and holidays are guiding me on this winding trail.

I spent the day walking empty roads...almost empty at least...and gazing at the changing colors signalling the beginning of fall. This is my favorite season. There is a quality of light that makes everything seem deeper and more possible and more freeing. Fall is my time 

of new beginnings, not spring. How appropriate that we started the wedding dress journey at the end of the summer, leading into fall.

And how appropriate that I should look at ways to deepen this spiritual journey as the colors turn. How appropriate that I should want to express my free spirit in the fall on a spiritual trail. So let me re-define free spirit.

It is the ability to walk a path that others have discarded or abandoned, or rejected, or found frightening. It is not about finding rules to reject, but about acknowledging that rules are simply guideposts and recommendations. Rules tell us what the boundaries are, but not how to travel. Not how to dance down a trail full of joy over the experience of feeling the earth beneath my feet, the wind in my face, and the scent of the forest filling my mind. Being a free spirit is not about avoiding every rule, but about embracing the ones that make my life richer and more meaningful, regardless of how they appear to other people.

Even on Shabbat with my hair in a hat.