Where the wedding dress dare not go

So I know this is silly, but the truth is that I have used the wedding dress to help me face adventures that might be a bit scary. The dress can bring humor to turn a situation, or at least change my perspective. 


I hold on to pictures of the dress when I cannot take it with me, like to scary medical procedures. I had one of those on New Year's Eve, nothing too out of the ordinary, just something involving odd bodily probings, and wanted to take the dress. Ric said that was creepy. 

So I asked if I could just take my shell bouquet...and he said that was creepy too. OK...can I take a teddy bear? Nope...just time to "cowgirl up" I guess.

I do believe in courage and bravery and facing our fears, but I also believe that grace in the face of danger can be enhanced with something to hold on to. We tell our kids to hold hands, or we cuddle up with our critters, or we wear our lucky clothes or don our special piece of jewelry. That is what the wedding dress has been for me, not just a celebration of commitment, but also a way to bring humor and joy into what can be challenging. 

So, as 2014 unfolds in front of us full of wild unknowns and frightening propositions and terrifying opportunities (I mean that in a good way), perhaps we all need to find our lucky charm...one that can go with us into creepy places without looking...well...creepy. Something we can hold on to that reminds us that we are as courage is about facing the unknown with grace and a bit of humor. Something smaller than a wedding dress...and a Newfy...that reminds us that we too are human, and that fears our normal. And sometimes we just need to recognize our need for some courage

Leadership and Jewish thought

Leadership is easy when budgets are flush and times are good, and our pithy Buddhist sounding slogans seem wise. However, when resources are tight and tempers are running high, things are much more challenging. Suddenly the challenge of mentoring our staff can seem overwhelming. It is easy to look at two faculty members arguing and wish that they would just "get over it" and move forward. But wishing others to change, or blaming a certain group of employees is the least effective way to change a situation. And in some ways the least ethical. What if I use Jewish ethics...what would a challenging situation look like?

In Jewish thought, rather than looking at a difficult employee and wishing for them to change, the situation should cause me to think "what should I be doing?"  This person and this experience have been placed in my life as a way for me to learn and grow spiritually, or perhaps there is a gift I can give to others. If I focus on what I should be doing, I stop thinking about how the other person needs to change. I change the focus from the deficiency of the other to the gift that I can give, and the gift that I receive from dealing with this person.

Interestingly, when I stop focusing on what is wrong with the other person, I create a space that I can fill with something that will actually help shift the situation. Perhaps I can recognize with is good about the other person, and fill that space with appreciation. If I can appreciate something about the other, then I can approach this person with respect. When I treat another person with respect I hold up a mirror in front of them so that they can see their own goodness and potential.

I do not know if this will work with everyone and every situation, but I do know that it works in my friendships and intimate relationships, and that it is powerful in the classroom with students. I can choose to appreciate and respect them and watch them rise to the academic challenges. 

And so, this is another one of my adventures, shifting my leadership style so that I create more powerful ripples in the world. This might be a very small step in a world so full of complex problems, but it is a step.