Count down to Wedding

Even though it seems that almost everything is done, there are still so many little details. The most important elements at this point are chats with the two rabbis to make sure that all the ritual elements are in place, and that Ric and I understand what is happening from both a Halachic (legal) and a Kabbalistic (mystical) aspect. A Jewish wedding includes both a betrothal ritual and the marriage itself and  since our wedding is being held on Saturday evening, the first ritual is Havdalah.

This is one of the most mystical and beautiful rituals in the Jewish tradition, and one that we can celebrate every week after sundown on Saturday night. The Jewish sabbath, or Shabbat, starts at sundown Friday night and runs through sundown Saturday. This is the most sacred time of the Jewish week. There is a saying that "more than Israel has kept Shabbat, the Shabbat has kept Israel". http://www.bje.org.au/learning/judaism/holydays/shabbat/index.html

We mark the beginning and end of Shabbat with candles and prayers. This is a beautiful and moving ritual that differentiates Shabbat from the rest of the week; the sacred from the mundane. We are leaving the joy of Shabbat and returning to the world with a braided candle, spices, wine and moving song,   havdalah music  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SruOp9NZUVs

In the same way that havdalah separates and differentiates the holy from the material, it also reminds a bride and groom to distinguish between our projections and reality. Reb Jamie reminded Ric and I that during our 25 years of marriage we have probably built up images of each other based on our needs and wants and wounds. Havdalah reminds us to differentiate between these projections and the reality of the person we are marrying. He referred to this a "powerful seeing" and encouraged us to use this trip to the chuppa as a way to see and experience each other in new and powerful ways.

I really started this journey as a bit of a lark. I was feeling too profoundly appropriate and well behaved. There was little to no adventure and clearly not enough laughter in my life. But the lark has turned into a deeply spiritual adventure, full of mentors and guides and mystical messages and.....well....mermaids.

Maybe that is another part of Havdalah, it differentiates what I think I want from what I really need.