On to the Ketubah

     The Ketubah is a vital part of any traditional Jewish wedding. A ketubah is a contract given by the man to his future wife that describes his obligations to her. Even though the original ketubahs describe the husband as "obtaining" he wife for a certain dowry, the document itself actually was rather progressive for women. The main purpose was to prevent a husband from divorcing his wife against her will. The ketubah also spelled out how he would treat her, including his obligation to please her sexually.
     The ketubah went out of favour for many years, but is now making a come back. There is a tradition in Judaism to beautify scared objects, or any objects used in a ritual. So the ketubah has moved from simply a legal document to an artistic expression of the marriage. They have become so popular that even non-Jews are using them.
     So the first challenge was for Ric, the artist, and I to agree on the visual aspects of the ketubah. And there are dozens of websites with hundreds of options. We found some time, curled up on the couch with my laptop and started paging through ketubah choices. I like blues...he likes reds. I did not like abstracts...he liked the Chigall abstract. I liked the Jewish stained glass look...he like the Irish images. And so it went.
    
     And then we both saw an image that took us
back in time. In all the craziness of the first

wedding we did manage a short honeymoon

in Cabo San Lucas. On day we took a sail

boat out to a beach near a rock arch and swam

in the warm water. This ketubah has a water color

painting of that arch. What a lovely link between the

past and the future.

     Of course, we were not done. Next, we had to pick the wording. There are several choices for the wording on a ketubah. Do we go with the orthodox version or the egalitarian? How much Hebrew and how much English? Some are so sappy and some are so legal.

Some have room for only the witnesses to sign, and some have room for the rabbi, the bride and the groom. So many choices. We finally picked on that seemed to reflect our thoughts. A bit about love, a bit about our future and a bit about G-d.

The Kabbalists talk about a mystical reason for the ketubah. The original word for men and women was "aish" or fire. After G-d married Adam and Eve each took on a piece of the holy name unpronounceable name of G-d which is spelled yod-hay-vav-hay. 

Rabbi Akiba told the story this way: “the Hebrew word for man is ish, spelled aleph, yod, shin.  Remove the yod and you have aleph, shin or esh, meaning fire.  The Hebrew word for woman is ishah, spelled aleph, shin heh.  Remove the heh and, once again, you have esh, meaning fire."


So within each of us there is a consuming fire that can be passionate or destructive. When we marry the two fires are brought together, and if not properly tended can destroy the marriage. We cannot quench the fire, because it is human passion. Nor can we leave the fire to burn untended.
    
     So with the marriage and the ketubah we join into a partnership with the scared, and the letters yod and heh turn the fires into men and women.  In that way, we retain our inner fire, but become more that just our passions. We become our best selves, using our passions to help each other and to work as shining lights in the world. 
      Hopefully our ketubah will help our inner fires enlighten and brighten our lives and the world around us.
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