So what happens when a Pirate meets a Harley? Love? Wild joy? Dreams of freedom? Yep.

This was a trip to a serious academic meeting at Marquette University in Milwaukee. The topics were serious, the attendees did not quite understand "business casual" and the conversations were full of multi-syllabic words. I took notes and tried to look like a Dean in my turquoise scarves and boots.

And then we took a break and had a private tour of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle museum where I found my favorite colors and inspiration for another life adventure. The story of Harley is amazing. Success followed by failure followed by success over and over again, with the company re-inventing itself  with every cycle. 

The last exhibit is a motorcycle recovered in Canada after the tsunami in Japan. Harley found the owner and offered to replace it, but the owner said no, I will be like a blade of grass standing in a mowed field. Put it in the museum to people remember that together we can be strong and recover. Wow. Somehow I did not expect such inspiration from motorcycles

And at the very end of the museum were the motorcycle we could try out. Right color, right size, and not a bad price. I texted my husband who told me to pull out my credit card and ride it home...to Colorado. In the rain. Alone. 

Tempting...a wild road trip through the wilds of the US on a bike looking like a female Steve McQueen escaping from the repressive academic regime, or at least from the trauma drama of being a Jewish dean in a Jesuit institution in the middle of radical transition. From trying to be a good daughter and "honoring my parents" by making sure my passive-aggressive mother is warm and safe and dry. From helping random family members who seem to thrive on dramatic overtures worthy of a Don Giovanni finale. Or perhaps just the regularity and predictability of stability. Or just maybe because I still have adventures inside of me calling out for expression. Maybe. Probably. 

I know that the sense of wonder that comes from wildness and wilderness and feeling G-d's touch is still out there and in my. And I know that I am in hot pursuit. 

 

On the path again

Life and I have been dancing to a fugue in E minor, repeating themes rising to haunt me and then retreating into darkness. And the darkness calls to me, reminding how great longing challenges us to surrender to path before us. 

I have to admit I wondered if I could feel that depth of longing again, the craving that led me to spiritual adventures deep in wild forests. Could I find the clearing in the tumble and tangle of daily life to yearn so deeply I thought i would tear in two? Or had I left that behind as I lifted the responsibilities of jobs and family and commitments? 
  
For the past several months the answer has been inserting itself in such odd places. While lifting weights or running a 1/2 marathon I can see a world full of options before me. I can choose to leave or to stay, i can run away or embrace. i can move toward something as soon as I move away from illusions and scars that never did really define me.
My family often told me i would "out-grow" my craving for life and my longing for the touch of G-d on my heart. They said the fire that drove me would be tamed and my wildness would be trimmed. And i wold be safe so they would not be frightened. 

But yesterday, for no reason, without fan-fare or fuss, there it was, that deep hollow in my heart that called and chanted and sang and drummed and danced and whispered. That still small voice invited me back on the journey. Without an fuss. Without any rules. Just a door that opened before me, a wind that blew through me, a scent that captivated me, and a sense that this journey has been waiting for me all along. And i am beyond delighted.   

#adventure60

So I don't have a great deal to say here, except that I just turned 60 and barely have time to blog! This year is going to be one of great adventure and I hope the dress that keep up. 

Someone asked why I was so wildly happy about this birthday, and I guess I have to say that after almost dying several times, and three major surgeries, that fact that I am still here and still a bit wild is beyond wonderful.

My staff filled my office with balloons and the surprised me with a Jimmy Buffet style party. The wedding dress joined in and we had a great time! So while I do not have much to say in this post, I am on #adventure60 for the rest of the year. Check me on twitter at shssdean and join the fun. We can make everyday wild and fun and full of powerful magical moments if we choose to. Or we can live lives of quiet desperation. For this 60 year old Aquarian...the choice is clear. Stay tuned. 

We start again 2015

 Did you get one of those Christmas letters this year that sounded like a resume for the perfect family? You know, that one talking about the twins going to Harvard, the family vacation to save a small country, and the numerous awards for saving humankind from annihilation followed by a vacation in a newly minted country. After reading several of those I actually thought about writing my own, but it would sound like a badly written soap opera. Really.

I actually wrote a short letter to several friends detailing the family, friend, work and life issues that filled my last few months. After receiving a number of OMG type responses, and getting a good laugh out of the experience, I decided to change my focus. I might have to deal with drama, but I still could fill my life with laughter and adventures and, yes, wedding dresses! So welcome to the year of my 60th birthday year of the wedding dress. 

This year I want wild and amazing memories...lots of them. I want to go swimming with a mermaid tail and hike somewhere new and mysterious. I want to challenge myself to let go of things that drag me down and spend a year soaring. I want to sail into the sunset or sunrise with the wind filling my sails.

And yes I want to do my job well and be a leader that people are proud to work with. And yes, I intend to grow spiritually and take care of people I love. But I want to learn and laugh and push my limits just for the joy of it. I want to learn Hebrew, even if I need to take time off to do it!

So let's start with some truths. It is difficult to have full-time big job and still take care of a life. We might be able to have it all, but not at the same time. Somethings I have to do and make myself enjoy them, like lifting weights. I am watching my mom age and watching her life choices catch up with her...and taking note for my own future. I need to:
 Stay strong
Stay flexible
Embrace new challenges
Eat and sleep and exercise as if my future depends on it...because it does.
 

I know that issues I do not resolve will come back to haunt me over and over and over again. I have to face my own inner creepiness and staleness and fear and anger and losses and left over issues...and resolve them.
And move on into the world of possibliities.

Stay tuned...this is going to be good! 

holy wrappings two

What are our holy wrappings? 

This is my attempt to use fiber art to represent my ideas about the way holiness wraps around us. 

You can open the images in a new window and enlarge them

Lessons of a pair of flip-flops

It was the official last week of summer and I was not ready to let go. Winters feel longer, and this summer seemed so very short. So the plan to was to fill a three day weekend with summer warrior activities, starting with a one-hour body pump class, from which I am still sore.  Next on the list, after Saturday prayers, was an hour in the kayak...did I mention that body pump works my entire upper body and that it was threatening to rain? At least there was no lightening since I was sitting in the middle of a lake holding a medal paddle. 

I ended the day with a barbeque at our house for friends.

Sunday started with a short run with the dog through wet grass. I had planned on a 12 mile hike high in the foothills, but the clouds were already closing in so I did not want to head up as high in the hills. I put on my new toe socks, grabbed my pack and, I thought, everything I needed and drove up to White Ranch Park. I parked and reached over for my hiking shoes and...wait for it...found my flip-flops. Not my tevas, but my flip-flops. Not a problem I thought. I always have extra running shoes in the car. Oh, I forgot, they were wet from the morning run sitting at home on the dryer. 

This meant the only shoes I had were a pair of flip-flops. I thought about just driving home and going for a long walk on the bike path near the house. So not appealing. I asked myself: what would a weekend warrior do? I decided to just walk slowly and cover at least 1/2 mile. Luckily I had on my toe socks, so I put on my flip-flops and my pack and slowly and carefully started down the trail.  

This is a mountain trail...not particularly steep...but with plenty of rocks and places to slip. So I walked a bit slower than my normal pace and set my feet down with clear intentionality. And then some magic happened.

The first people I met were hiking in walking sandals and stopped to talk when their dog fell in love with me. We laughed about forgetting shoes, and they shared that they had done that several times. Ditto the trail runners and the women on mountain bikes. They all noticed my feet and shared stories of forgotten shoes and other essential implements. 

I kept walking and decided to redefine my "forgetting" as a gift from Hashem. After a mile, I realized how comfortable I was hiking without ankle or arch support. 
My mind was actually quiet since I was focused on walking. This reminded me of a Jewish chant "Silence is Praise for you" which I started humming and filled my mind with. 

This led to a reflection that I was safe in the wilderness with very little around me, that the Hashem was my protection, not my hiking gear. And I kept walking. 

Somewhere along the way I wondered why I never felt this connected on a regular basis, and I immediately had a flash of my multi-tasking life. My mind is so full of information and must-do lists, there is no space for a conversation with G-d. In fact, if Hashem happened to call me with vital information, I would probably have to put the call on hold. It was my slow walking was opening a space in my mind for the presence of G-d, much like the way that G-d opened a space, through tzimtzum for creation.

After about 3 miles the trail was going to shift through flooded areas, so I turned back and retraced my steps. Slowly.

Now I met people fully equipped for a hike across high Sierra passed with poles and heavy duty shoes and safari hats. They walked on by me without looking at my feet. I wondered about the way we humans think we need so much more to have an experience. High end everything to protect us from the wildness of the outdoors. Maybe all we do need is a bit of faith. Maybe more is less and less is more.


And then near the end of the hike I passed a group of heavily equipped hikers who did notice my flimsily clad feet. One young man said to me:

"You must be a very experienced hiker. What do you know that I don't know?" 

I laughed and told him that this was an accident, and that I would not repeat the experiment, but it was true that sometimes less is more. And really he could give up the silly polls. 

I made it back to the car and home before I realized that I had never stubbed my toe, had a rock in the "shoe", tripped, or felt any pain from lack of support. In fact. I felt great.

The warrior weekend the next day with another kayak trip and a 20 mile bike ride on my new bike. And I had to wonder...would the older slower heavier bike brought just as much joy? 

Holy Wrappings

What does not mean to wrap ourselves in holiness? 

What does it mean to be both joyful and soulful, to be full of laughter and aching for meaning, to be having fun in a wedding dress and softly crying under a prayer shawl?

I have been having fun with a wedding dress for a couple years now, but want to move this blog into a deeper place, into exploring holy wrappings. A wedding dress is one such wrapping. Tears and laughter and prayer shawls and star-lit skies and sunsets and ocean waves can be be too. 

So, if you like my writing, start coming back. I am exploring this in my life, in my art, at my job, on the trail, in my studies and definitely in my writing. To be continued soon. 

Join me...how are you wrapped in holiness?