Fort Worth and changing memories

The year of the wedding dress started with re-visiting the past, and learning to “remember it differently” the way that Esther did (see post on Purim). I have to remember the laughter and joys and successes and love, and move beyond the anger and pain. Amazing to think that we can not only plan the adventures that we will be able to remember, but we can choose how we remember our experiences.

How appropriate that I repainted and reframed my memories while attending the National Art Educators Association Conference in Dallas. Art and memory…would be a great workshop.

I was able to have dinner with my youngest step-daughter, her two daughters, and her two grand-daughters. Four generations eating and laughing together.  We spend an hour wandering through Barnes and Nobles looking at books and talking. The next day I took my eldest step-daughter to lunch and walked around downtown Fort Worth.

I realized that I have change the color palette from hard memories of those teen years that even in the worst of times were full of spunk and snarky wit. Even in the hard times, my heart would open, and so would theirs. Even when I thought about writing a book called “justifiable homicide for step-mothers” there was still glimmers of light and slivers of brilliance. Even when they said they hated me, pushed me to my limits, and pushed me away…or blamed me….I knew that the story was not over. We might have needed an intermission, but there would always be an Act Two…or Three…or Five Hundred and Six.

In this act we all shifted our memory, which changed our relationships. Maybe that is why we talk about memorizing something as “learning by heart.” I remember with my heart, my emotions, and those can be chosen and changed. We can chose to dredge up or reminisce, to bear in mind or evoke from our heart. Our choice…my choice.

And the wedding dress moves on.