I have to admit I wondered if I could feel that depth of longing again, the craving that led me to spiritual adventures deep in wild forests. Could I find the clearing in the tumble and tangle of daily life to yearn so deeply I thought i would tear in two? Or had I left that behind as I lifted the responsibilities of jobs and family and commitments?
For the past several months the answer has been inserting itself in such odd places. While lifting weights or running a 1/2 marathon I can see a world full of options before me. I can choose to leave or to stay, i can run away or embrace. i can move toward something as soon as I move away from illusions and scars that never did really define me. 
My family often told me i would "out-grow" my craving for life and my longing for the touch of G-d on my heart. They said the fire that drove me would be tamed and my wildness would be trimmed. And i wold be safe so they would not be frightened. 
But yesterday, for no reason, without fan-fare or fuss, there it was, that deep hollow in my heart that called and chanted and sang and drummed and danced and whispered. That still small voice invited me back on the journey. Without an fuss. Without any rules. Just a door that opened before me, a wind that blew through me, a scent that captivated me, and a sense that this journey has been waiting for me all along. And i am beyond delighted. 
