What would happen if...

What would happen if we stopped allowing ourselves to become our to-do list?

What would happen if we switched our focus from URGENT and ACTION to walking and breathing?

What if at the end of the sky...

at the end of the sea...

time disappears and there is only now.

What if in the end the answer is presence and awareness and now?

Who would we be if we did not spend our time protecting ourselves from the full human experience? 

Who would I be if I was not afraid of what I can be?

What if I just walked? Halakhah...to walk...and the way...and the law. So what if all we need to know we discover by walking through this world open to the wonder around us?

color of change

My favorite colors are attached to seasons. I love the turquoise blue of summer and the stark whites of winter. (I would talk about spring, but I find it schizophrenic and annoying.)  But in reality, fall is the season that often puts transition in perspective. The colors of fall are so helpful in my efforts to see EVERYTHING in my life as a blessing, even the approach of the cold winter months. 

These are clearly transition colors, sent to remind us to let go of one season and embrace the next. How funny that color psychologist will tell us that 

 blues are relaxing and invite us to enjoy the moment..and breathe deeply, while reds and yellows and orange are about moving...high energy...change. How true. The blues of summer help us, no matter how active we are, be present. However the colors of fall invite us to move, to change, to expect a new challenge. 

So maybe these amazing colors are a way of preparing us for 
the long dark nights to come. A message that there is beauty in change. That the colors of our spirit are the most brilliant when in motion...when embracing transition and change. 

This is an amazing gift. Perhaps when we are struggling with new beginnings, which means we are facing endings, our spirit shines brightly, lighting the way through the seemingly dark places. Perhaps when we acknowledge our fears, release our resistance, move beyond our denial, and take just one step forward, we become beacons of color for others to follow. Does the first tree that is courageous enough to turn from green to red call out to the others that it is time to become spectacular? Can we do that same?

No...the dress has not changed color, but it will be on the road again soon, as we approach the change from fall to winter, from light to darkness, and from turquoise to wild fiery spectacular brilliant red.   

Asher Yatzar and Glen Canyon Dam

 

There is a prayer that is said every morning thanking Hashem for the wondrous workings of our bodies.We give thanks that the many vessels and organs of our body are appropriately opened or closed, for if they were not we could not stand. The exact prayer is:

"Blessed are You, Hashem our God, King of the universe, Who formed man with wisdom and created within him many openings and many hollows. It is obvious and known before Your Throne of Glory that if even one of them ruptures, or if even one of them becomes blocked, it would be impossible to survive and to stand before You (even for a short period). Blessed are You, Hashem, Who heals all flesh and acts wondrously."

Some of us have  almost died when the valves and vessels in our bodies have been blocked or ruptured, and we know the truth of this prayer. But I was reminded of this in a very poignant way  a few weeks ago from several thousand feet flying to San Diego. 

The plane took a route I did not recognize over canyon lands, and I noticed a lake in the distance...what looked like a canyon that was glistening blue. Lake Powell...of course. There is was...the flooded canyon that had once been a place full or wildlife. But what I thought was the lake was merely a canyon full of water beyond the lake...a flooded river. I kept looking at the water, expecting to see the lake any minute, but the plane flew on for miles and miles....and more miles. At last...the lake. And then miles later...at last Glen Canyon Dam. One dam backing up hundreds of miles of water and flooding canyons...changing eco-systems that had been built over thousands of years. 

One dam...one blockage...and the world was changed. And if that blockage were to be opened, the dam to burst, no life could stand below it in the flood of water becoming wild and free.  

 And maybe this relates in some way to the wild ride we have had moving my mom. The doors of the moving van were opened when they should have been closed and her life history flowed out across the desert. Yet, even with this, there was a way to live on....to move passed what was lost and to create new boundaries and openings and closings. In fact, perhaps this was a gift from Hashem too, a door that should have been opened had been closed, and so Hashem opened it. The door to new beginnings, to opportunities, to new lessons and possiblities needs to be open. 

When we close it with our fears and opinions and outdated behaviors, we cannot move forward in this world. And so...if we are lucky...a door that has been closed is open for us. All that has blocked us flows down river clearing the way for a new perspective and experience, perhaps with wild abandon, perhaps with earth shaking changes. Either way, we learn that we cannot create the illusion of safety by blocking what should flow free, or releasing what should be closed. 

How is a Sukkah like a wedding dress part two

So how is a Sukkah like a wedding dress? In fact, how is a airplane flight like a wedding dress? 

In Jewish mystical thought, space, time and matter are all forces of divine energy. These are all thought of as sparks that fell to earth at the time of creation and became embedded in existence. The sparks of time, space and matter all must be elevated in holiness for the world to fulfill the divine plan. That is way every action, no  matter how small, can often create powerful ripples in the world. This is why the way experience our journey, the small decisions we make (or refuse to make), and the almost unnoticed actions we take (or turn away from), can send seismic waves through all of existence.  A small earthquake in Africa can eventually move the tectonic plates in California. 

So, what does that  have to do with a wedding dress, a sukkah, and an airplane flight? Each in their own way put us "between worlds" and in some way more aware of time and space and matter. The Sukkah, for example, marks the end of one period of Jewish holy days and a movement into another season. We sit in a hut or booth...or in our case a tent...that has the illusion of structure and security, but is open to nature's wildness. We are aware that matter does not keep us safe, and that time and space move in some sort of unison. We put our faith in the seasonal parade to predict what we should wear to stay warm and safe and dry. 

The same is true in an airplane. We are traveling in something that can feel solid and is able to stay in the air based on the physics of the air and motion that few of us really understand.  We are again between worlds...in a very physical sense...and in a personal sense. We have no control over the plane. We cannot speed up or slow down the flight, nor control the time changes we fly through. We cannot fill our emotional space with phone calls or emails. We are at the whim of the wind and the sky and the skill of the pilot. And Hashem.  

And what about a wedding dress? It too marks a transition point. A new bride dons the dress as a single woman....who is partially married....almost married...committed to say those life altering words in a short time. Yet she is not married. She has planned for this day and now must let go of the details and trust that the events will unfold in some lovely way. And...even more importantly...she is trusting in something that she cannot see....love and faith in another human being.

We sit in a sukkah and have faith that we will be safe from nature's caprice. We fly in a plane and trust that human planning and schedule inconsistencies will still allow us safe passage. We dress in special garments and speak vows of love and trust that the words of the other carry the same heartfelt intention and commitment as ours. We act on faith and trust and hope and love as we enter that passage way of transformation and transition. 

And in that way our actions demonstrate our "emunah" out willingness to take a leap of faith into the sky, into the sukkah, or into intimate relationship with another. 

how is a sukkah like a wedding dress?

Much like the famous Mad Hatter riddle "why is a writing table like a raven" this question sounds nonsensical. So I will leave you to ponder it for a day or two. I can add one hint...in the same way that an air flight is like a wedding dress.

To be continued. 

The mermaid gift...much like a sukkah

What is the true mermaid gift? It is the ability to stay fluid in a world of dichotomies.

Fluidity between dichotomies.

The ability to have a hand in both worlds, to see the many sides of a situation and flow between them. To move from paradox to paradox to paradox, and still have faith in the consistency of the sea. To know that speaking the truth is powerful, but knowing how to speak it in a way that is heard is even more powerful. Knowing that success is something to enjoy, and then move beyond. That true greatness come from sharing our gifts so that others around us surpass us as we joyfully celebrate their success.

And then we swim on to the next adventure.

Life is not predictable, nor was it ever meant to be. It was meant to be embraced and explored and celebrated and experienced, while laughing and crying and shouting and finding silence. The tides rise and fall to remind us that there is a consistency in the changes around us. Mermaids know this and stay fluid in the paradoxical world of dichotomies. 

How is this like a Sukkah?

We sit in a "booth" with three sides and a roof open to the sky and thank G-d for safety and protection. We sit in the world, open to all types of weather, and rejoice in the freedom we have to move from place to place and harvest what we have planted. We are nomadic and rooted. We are exposed and protected. We are in transition from one season to the next. Maybe we are mermaids! 

Rosh Hashanah thoughts rebooted

We are told in Exodus that “Six days shall you work, and on the seventh shall you desist.” So we are supposed to work 80% of the time, and rest 20%. How funny that we don’t argue with G-d about this equation. 80% of my time spent working? Why don’t we demand more time to stop? Maybe it is because, according to the sages, we are 80% body and 20% soul. Maybe it is because our brains and bodies evolved as we walked 10 – 15 miles a day across savannahs. Maybe because stopping was dangerous and put us at risk.

We had to stop at night when the moon illuminated the sky, giving us a sense that we were safe in the darkness. Maybe this is the real message of stopping on Shabbat; that we are safe in the darkness of the world that we inhabit on the other 6 days. If we stop we can be illuminated, or perhaps be a light that illuminates and warms other people. After all, lighthouses don’t walk around much.

What if the world stopped for 25 hours every week? No pollution, no war, no competition. Would that 20% be what makes the 80% sustainable? Is this another message of Shabbat? Sustainability comes from stopping.

How funny that I resist stopping on Shabbat, when I beg for it on other days. You know, those times that we wish would last forever, wishing that time would stop and let us hold our memories still in a moment of time. And yet when commanded to stop…I rush on. Maybe if I had to pay for stopping that was disguised as another religion it would be easier to embrace….like a meditative yoga retreat.

My doctor, a traditional Jew, dared me to stop. My orthodox girl friend invited me to stop, saying it would be good for my soul. So what am I afraid of? Self discovery, like that which comes while reciting the Al chets? That I might have to re-define my value in the world? That I might find G-d…..or that G-d might find my hiding place?

Jewish mystics explain that as the sun goes down before Rosh Hashana, the universe goes into a comatose state, it stops. A slumber descends on all existence; everything comes to a standstill in cosmic silence, in apprehension of our contract being renewed. So perhaps I am afraid that stopping might mean G-d will rewrite my contract…that I will need to find a new way of being in the world.

So I tried to stop, but the world moved on. The phone rang, friends invited me out for lunch, my email filled up, the slopes beckoned, and the mall opened early. Wow…this is harder than I thought. I am out of step and out of time with the world around me….but in step and in time with Shabbat and that 20% of me that wishes to illuminate the world for good. Oh cool….in some ways stopping makes me rebellious. OK, I can do that

My goal then this year is to increase the time I stop on Shabbat, second by second. To become Shomer al z’man, a guard of time. Rather than building a fence around Shabbat, I am going to use Shabbat as my fence around stopping.